Wednesday, April 7, 2010

OK, Now That’s Out of the Way. . .

Alright, I'll admit getting the formatting right on that last post was a pain in the ass. . .Still getting used to Blogger formatting.

So now you know more inane details about me than any one could possibly desire.  Let me now share a little more of my medical/baby situation. 

Let be upfront with the one fact that that has made me hold off on writing this blog for so long, and makes me feel like a total fraud for writing this in a category related to fertility.  We are not actually actively trying to conceive.  As in, we are not participating in those nauseating monikers “babydancing” or baby-making sex.”  In fact, I’m actually on continuous birth control.  The reason for all this – I haven’t been able to get healthy enough to start trying.
 
But that hasn’t changed the fact that we, especially I, just ache for a baby.  So I can relate to the endless humiliating and invasive medical procedures.  Even though I’m not cycling, I, too, have ridden the dildocam more times that I can count.  Had the repeated laparoscopies, etc.  I have ridden the endless rollercoaster of “let’s try this protocol and this should work and you’ll be able to get pregnant”, only to have hope extinguished from my soul.  And just when I think she is dead and buried, she comes rising up like a phoenix at the first hint of another course of action.  I understand the fragility of the soul in this time, experience the frustration and anger as friends and relatives pop out kids like a Pez dispenser.  I know how the inane comments by well meaning friends and family members only serve to drive heartache deeper.  So, in spite of the fact that I have never had a positive pregnancy test, never stimmed (although I have been on long courses of Lupron!) never experienced pregnancy loss, I identify with you as my sisters.   
I very much hope you won’t think this presumptive of me.  I have learned so much from your willingness to open yourselves up and share your “adventures”, and thought I just might have something to share with you as well.

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