Monday, March 28, 2011

A Tale of Two Charms . . . Part 2

Dear God in Heaven I am horrible, just horrible.  No excuse for not writing this.  Aside from broken wrist and torn cartilage in dominant wrist. . .  Still haven't managed to get out of wrist brace. . .

OK, so when I last left you eons ago, I was in the process of telling you about 2 charms.  The first one, from La Belle Dame jewelry, was a fertility pendant of a sea turtle.  I am still wearing it as we speak.  It is an embodiment of the hopes I hardly dare breathe aloud, and yet stir deep in my soul.

The second one had the opposite effect.  It was a Christmas present, and I couldn't have been more affronted if she had hauled back and punched me in the stomach.  At least then I could have had some plausible excuse for gasping and flopping about like a fish out of water.  

It looked like this:

In case the image is acting up again, it is a necklace with a very cute charm that reads "All My Children Have Paws"

Please, Beloved Internets, tell me I don't have to explain this one to you. . .

This was from someone who was both privy to what I have been through in the past and what Nate and I are going through now.  And I know she only meant good by it; did not mean it to be the slap in the face it was.  As I opened it, I just kept saying in my head over and over, "I will not cry here. I will NOT cry here. . ."  I actually had to command my frozen lips into some kind of an upward grimace. 

And I had also gotten her a piece of jewelry, which she immediately fussed over and tried on, ooing and ahhing appropriately the whole time.  And I could not make myself try on this necklace.  I thought if I had to wear it, even for a moment or two, I would throw up right on the spot.  The thought of it touching my skin made me shudder.  

In two necklaces I see the embodiment of this infertility experience:

If you can't see this image go to this link -  It's the fourth picture from the top of the page.  Her work is beyond words. . .
The one above gives substance to the deepest desires of my heart. . .

OK, this is back to the image of the "All My Children Have Paws" necklace. . .

While this one throws in my face the fact that the only thing I have in my life to give my nurturing love to had four paws and fur.  It is a mockery of all I ever dared to dream. . .


  1. I am so sorry the second piece of jewellery hurt you so much. I'm so sorry your friend knows all about your situation and still 'blew it' on choosing your gift. It's miserable, isn't it? Someone you care for meaning so well and only managing to rub salt into your wounds. Hugs.

    (I'm sorry, but the links to the pictures of both your lovely turtle necklace and the... unfortunate, shall we say?... gift don't work for me)

  2. Thank you, May, for your heartfelt expressions. I apologize - it must have not made a whole lot of sense without the photo. For some reason the pisc look fine when I publish the post, but after a day or so, I'm just left with question marks. There's a metaphor in there, I'm sure. . .

    Anyway, if anyone has any suggestions, I'm sure its a rookie mistake I'm making, I'm all ears. I've just tried saving the images another way, so I'll hope that works better.

  3. Oh, NOW I can see the photos.

    Yes. I can see exactly why that necklace hurt and upset you. If someone had given it to ME, I'd've been outraged.

    And didn't you lose a dear little kitten over the summer as well? 'Cute' 'jokey' presents about all one's children having paws seem a tad thoughtless on that ground alone. Coupled with your years of pain and infertility, which your friend KNOWS about, well, actually, I am speechless. But outraged.

    Many hugs.

    Can you/did you return the necklace? Would you be able exchange it for something more appropriate?