OK, so when I last left you eons ago, I was in the process of telling you about 2 charms. The first one, from La Belle Dame jewelry, was a fertility pendant of a sea turtle. I am still wearing it as we speak. It is an embodiment of the hopes I hardly dare breathe aloud, and yet stir deep in my soul.
The second one had the opposite effect. It was a Christmas present, and I couldn't have been more affronted if she had hauled back and punched me in the stomach. At least then I could have had some plausible excuse for gasping and flopping about like a fish out of water.
It looked like this:
In case the image is acting up again, it is a necklace with a very cute charm that reads "All My Children Have Paws"
Please, Beloved Internets, tell me I don't have to explain this one to you. . .
This was from someone who was both privy to what I have been through in the past and what Nate and I are going through now. And I know she only meant good by it; did not mean it to be the slap in the face it was. As I opened it, I just kept saying in my head over and over, "I will not cry here. I will NOT cry here. . ." I actually had to command my frozen lips into some kind of an upward grimace.
And I had also gotten her a piece of jewelry, which she immediately fussed over and tried on, ooing and ahhing appropriately the whole time. And I could not make myself try on this necklace. I thought if I had to wear it, even for a moment or two, I would throw up right on the spot. The thought of it touching my skin made me shudder.
In two necklaces I see the embodiment of this infertility experience:
If you can't see this image go to this link - http://www.labelledame.com/fertility-jewelry.html. It's the fourth picture from the top of the page. Her work is beyond words. . .The one above gives substance to the deepest desires of my heart. . .
While this one throws in my face the fact that the only thing I have in my life to give my nurturing love to had four paws and fur. It is a mockery of all I ever dared to dream. . .