We're Baaaaacccckkk

OK, I admit to feeling sheepish. And stupid. . .

How dare I presume to just come back here and resume blogging like I never left off???

I don't know, don't have an answer for that. I just know I need to write, especially about things requiring a safe place to talk about them.

When last we left off, our family consisted of me, Nate, and 3 cats: Holly, Buster and Boo. The intervening time has seen fit to bring two other cats literally to our doorstep: Willi Wunderschoen (can you guess who named him??) and Autumn. Willi was within a day or two of starving to death when a neighbor found him and brought him to us. When he was cleaned up, medically cared for, and properly fed, we were astonished to see a gorgeous long-haired Russian Blue. He is a love.

As for Autumn - she showed up on Nate's car a few days before a hurricane hit. After all attempts to find her owner failed, we took her in just as the first drops of the hurricane hit. We took her to the vet to ensure she was healthy, and the vet was afraid she was pregnant. After the results of a blood test were inconclusive, a whole-body x-ray was done to see if any babies could be seen. No babies. However they did find that her spine had been broken in 3 places, as well as her hip. The breaks were at different stages in their healing, so that eliminated the possibility that she had been in any kind of an accident. No, someone had beat the shit out of her repeatedly, over time. I can only thank God that we had NOT been successful in finding her owners. She is a funny cat. She is heartbreakingly sweet, but also frequently contrary. She adores people - the other cats, not so much. She can growl and purr simultaneously.

As for me, when I last blogged, I had explained how I had just spent several weeks in the hospital for a severe asthma attack. While I was in the hospital and subsequently recovering, Nate was fired for the intermittent time he took to help care for me. Fired. For helping me. From a job he had held and loved for 10 years. The bastards.

Meanwhile I had returned to work, but work had become chaos itself. While I still loved the work, those in power were truly evil - not something I say lightly. I never talked about it here, but the President had been sexually harassing and emotionally abusing his administrative assistant. She was a close friend, and I had witnessed almost all of it. In January she had reached her breaking point and filed a lawsuit against him. Myself and three other close friends testified on her behalf - we simply told the truth. The parties in the lawsuit reached a settlement, and part of that settlement stipulated that the working conditions detailed in that settlement would go through a 6 month trial period. The President, it seemed, thought that meant he had to behave for 6 months, and that was it. 6 months to the day, all of us who had testified on her behalf were fired.

So that left Nate and I, both fired within about 5 weeks of each other. If, in January, you had told me that both Nate and I would have been fired, and we would both have separate lawsuits, I would have laughed my ass off and wanted to know what drugs you were taking. But it was true.

Meanwhile, my health deteriorated substantially. I was spending weeks at a time in the hospital, mostly for my asthma. Once for an unbreakable migraine.

Here's irony for you: right before my first hospitalization for my asthma, we had finally worked up the guts to make an appointment with a maternal-fetal medicine specialist, who was highly recommended by Dr. Love. We'll call her Dr. Q. She was located over two hours away, and did not "follow" patients - that is, she only provided a consultation, not direct care. She was absolutely amazing. We fell head over heels for her. And the astonishing thing was that she saw no real barrier to us having a baby - not the meds I was on, nothing. Astounding. AND it gets better. She agreed to make an exception to her "no-direct-care policy" and agreed to treat Nate and I. But she felt that because of the distance, she wanted us to also use a maternal fetal medicine specialist closer to home, that she could also work with.

Not 5 days after we get the green light, I end up in the hospital for the first time.

So after I recover a bit, we do visit a maternal fetal medicine practice much closer to home. They are ok. Not exactly warm fuzzies, but they are top notch doctors, without question. They were concerned about the asthma, but ultimately felt that if the asthma did flair while pregnant, they would be able to manage it without real incident. They also weren't crazy about my size, no surprise there. But they were also ok with things.

Then came a downward spiral of one hospitalization after another. So baby-making plans got put on hold.

But, we're baaaaacccckkk. . .

As of last month, we took the next big leap to actively TTC.

It was better than expected. I have already indicated that sex is more than a bit of an issue, given our respective histories. And Nate is on a number of medications that make "traditional" physical intimacy a challenge. That not withstanding, Nate is very creative, and works with what he's got, and so when we do get down to it, I am one very satisfied spouse. But as far as sex that would result in a baby. . . well, that's another story. We had discussed ways around it, and agreed our best bet was our version of an at home insemination, but actually doing it was another matter. And then, out of the blue, Nate meets me as I'm coming out of the shower with a Dunkin Donuts cup and array of pipettes. Who said romance is dead??? (never fear, I corrected the supplies) .

I think we were both afraid that doing this would be a serious infringement on intimacy. And that it was an acknowledgement of our failure in being able to conceive the "natural" way. But is was actually very intimate, not too big a deal, and while I don't relish the feel if a pipette up my unmentionables, otherwise it was altogether pretty fun. And satisfying.

But perhaps the best part was maybe an hour or so later, when we were fixing something to eat. Nate suddenly pulls me onto his lap, wraps his arms around me, and starts praying for God's blessing over our attempts and our future baby.  It was actually rather moving. . .

Until next time. . .